What REAL love feels like.| My written testimony

Can you believe it was just this year when I finally found out what it feels like to be genuinely happy?  26 years old and I didn't know what real love and happiness felt like until recently. I know why too... I've always been the type of girl who loved love no matter who it came from. If you loved me or made me feel loved i loved you back. When i felt loved it was like a sense of feeling wanted and I loved feeling wanted because let's be real, I didn't always feel wanted growing up being disabled and all I mostly felt people being burdened by me. I couldn't help but feel that way sometimes even as a young adult. When I got in my first serious relationship I thought YES! I was happy and excited that someone chose me. Someone actually wanted me around them 24/7, but then when that shattered in my face it shattered me,  I was shaken to the core SHOOK because I was head over heels in love because like I said, I loved love. When he left me, he took my confidence, self-esteem self-worth, and common sense with him lol (not funny but it's true.) I immediately started making really stupid, life-threatening decisions,  putting myself in toxic environments with toxic people. I embraced a sexual lifestyle where I would get lust confused with love. I entered a "relationship" where I was getting verbally abused. I slept with who I wanted only to feel gross and empty after.  I put myself in a predicament where I was sexuality assaulted, I allowed my 1st love back in my life only for him to hurt me again and  all  that because I was on a journey to feel loved and wanted and needless to say ,all those attempts failed. I was still broken but even more broken than before. It got to the point where I found myself crying on my kitchen floor begging for God to take the wheel of my life because I couldn't do it anymore   I wanted to give up and let go because I was physically and emotionally drained.  I was depressed for a while after that then my birthday started creeping around the corner so my spirits were being lifted because I knew I could count on a few close friends of mine to spend time with me on my birthday. (Shootout to yall,  much love)  One day I was getting into the elevator of my apartment when the best man I have ever in my life been with stopped me. (No we are not together anymore but I will never say anything bad about him he was great to me so I will ALWAYS have love in my heart and soul for him) Basically,  he asked me out and that was the day my life changed for the better. He helped me rediscover the relationship I lost with God. I started making minor changes to my life like going to church, then that led to getting rebaptized (if that's a word lol) then i started getting into the Bible more which led me to convictions. I don't think I've ever in my life felt convicted of something at least in the sense of me feeling like I would disappoint God.  One of the convictions I felt was regarding sex so I made a promise to myself and god that I would give my all to him and save myself until I'm married because honestly, I was sick of that life. I was sick of giving myself to men who didn't even want me they just wanted my body. I was sick of feeling gross and empty afterwards so I was more than happy to let that part of my life go even though I had grown an addiction to sex if you will. As I started giving it all to god my life grew brighter and my burdens become lighter. I found myself relaxed and happier and feeling  a love that i never knew existed. Even going through my last break-up, it wasn't the hardest thing but it wasn't easy either. I knew that God was there for me and wasn't going to leave me because he loves me. God's love makes my life easier. Even when I'm going through the hardest things I know he won't forsake me and that helps me because he never said it would be easy.  In life, we're all going to go through trials and tribulations it's inevitable. life can be really douchy sometimes, I think the hardest thing is giving it to god but God wants us to moan for him! Proverbs 19:21 says There are many devices in a man's heart, nevertheless the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand. If you're struggling with something give it to god because his plans shall prevail anyway. With all that he's done in my life... you can't tell me he's not real.

Our love for him may dim and darken at times but his love for us will forever be. If that's not real love I don't know what is.

"Fear not, for I am with you, be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - isaiah 41:10

Much Love